Thought Bait

Ibrahim Waheed “Kalaavehi”

[Note: This is a different kind of story, certainly not for the faint-hearted. ]

“Want to get some bait to catch fish?”

“Little fish are suddenly winning big time slinking by in the deep waters of the political miasma of the confused collection of people who have now deluded themselves into believing that democracy was and is the right to murder and to slander and to rent asunder the very fabric of a society and a culture that had thrived in unity even in the hardest of times because bigger fish that would ideally have swallowed these little nasties are lurking scared in dark caves and canyons of their own making and paid for with money gotten in what used to be called ill ways or otherwise since any failed attempts on the part of the big fish to swallow the little slinkers might result in grave harm to the reputation if not to the body and eventually to the good name and therefore the earning capacity of the big fish which also have to operate with relative impunity in the aforesaid deep waters of the political miasma which has now become indistinguishable from the affairs of the nation which had previously been associated with a sense of great calm and peace whose cost nobody wants to think about or even talk about in these trying times.” This could be said in equal strength by the gentleman with the super-small navel or by the cool dude with the same appendage but in ultra-long size which had been surgically amputated and cauterized by generous application of chilli-pepper paste.

“This country is populated by human beings who are given to thinking in linear fashion and therefore are quick to hop skip or jump to conclusions which might not always be to our understanding of the universe except as professed by faith healers and charlatans and plain old tricksters who nevertheless make huge amounts of money not only by professing great understanding of not only the hidden things in life but also by the foretelling of the future which changes in guaranteed prosperity or procurement of most alluring maidens in a manner directly proportional to the amount of figurative silver which crosses the equally figurative palms of the said soothsayers or native oracles.” This by the honorable professor of guns who struts around clad in red tunics or by the very clever gentleman who shuns the inter-atoll network of transport in favor of the bottom half of a local grindstone.

“Little children going to bed in fear of waking up in the middle of the night to hear crowds baying in the street or cats falling down dead on their balconies or having sword-wielding apparitions coming into their rooms to steal their DVD players or having really huge chickens laying thousands of eggs under their beds or having to switch on the television to listen to a lot of new vocabulary which their parents call colorful or having to listen to stories about pigeons unconsciously laying another thousand eggs in the beard of the brother who originally hails from what should now be properly called Mumbai where some local boys had apparently done themselves no good at all when they pressed the hidden switch or ran around painting everything red with a Kalashnikov.” This by that most adaptable and accommodating being who could look like a huge coconut tree or symbolically sympathize with the growing lack of living room space in the islands by accommodating himself in a very little bottle of the kind that used to carry native or Arabian perfume.

“Oh help me with even a basic understanding of what has gone wrong with this world since even the fish seem to have gone away in favor of crocodiles and grenades and I am not willing to believe in the words of more soothsayers or charlatans or whoever who profess to know the reason for the fish having gone away for political reasons which I find to be one of the strangest reasons in the world given that the product of boiled tuna brains will have to be slightly lesser in intelligence that the collective and raw running live brains of a school of yellowfin which in any case tend to exhibit greater altruism when it comes to categorically refusing to exercise the right to murder and to slander and to rent asunder their schools in preference to sailing along in lines best known to them until perhaps a purse seine gets them and puts them on a respectable sushi table.” This could be from any of the other –devi that lurk around the darkest corners of our cemeteries and in the most scared recesses of our imaginations which gave rise to them anyway.

“Not that kind of bait stupid!”

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